It’s a nice warm day. A perfect day for hanging out in the backyard with some hot dogs, burgers, and refreshments. As the day comes to an end, you notice you still have a lot of hot dogs leftover. You also notice a certain furry friend staring intently at said hot dogs. “But can dogs eat hot dogs?” You ask yourself, “Doesn’t that sort of sound like cannibalism?”
Well, although it’s difficult to say what mystery meats hot dogs are made from, I can assure you that dog is only in the name. Unless, of course, we’re talking about Hannibal Hank, the Cannibal Dog. This ferocious pup makes hot dogs out of, well, dogs. Unfortunately, Hannibal Hank is a hot dog expert, and we need his knowledge on the subject to truly know the answer to: can dogs eat hot dogs?”
Says Hannibal Hank as he pokes his muzzle through his maximum security kennel. His words confuse you, “What? My name isn’t Clarice?”
Hannibal Hank stirs for a moment, before saying, “It’s from the movie! I’m trying to be like Anthony Hopkins. Can’t a dog have his day? Just for once?”
You begin to pity Hannibal Hank, “Alright call me Clarice, whatever. I just need to know if dogs can eat hot dogs. They told me to ask you, since you’re an expert.”
“Ahh yes,” says Hannibal Hank, “I find hot dogs to go especially well with a nice Chianti and some fava beans.” Hank looks especially pleased after saying this line. You let him have his moment.
“Right, sure,” you say, “But can dogs eat hot dogs that are not made from, you know, actual dogs. Because I’m pretty sure you’re the only dog that eats literal ‘hot dogs.’”
“Okay,” Hank replies, “Let me tell you…
Why Can Dogs Eat Hot Dogs
Hannibal Hank, the Cannibal Dog goes on to tell you about his extensive knowledge of the hot dog. How, one day, he snagged a bite of one from his owner. How he was instantly hooked by the salty savoriness of the hot dog.
After a while, Hank’s hunger couldn’t be quenched by a standard hot dog. He had to try different meat varieties: turkey dogs, tofu dogs, and then… dog dogs.
Hank goes on to say the issue was he needed to use moderation but never did. He talks about how most hot dogs contain unnatural preservatives and ingredients that are harmful to a dog’s health.
“One of those ingredients,” Hank says, “Might’ve been the cause for what I am today.”
You think to tell Hank you highly doubt an ingredient turned him into a cannibal, but you decide not to. You’ve realized Hank is a fairly fragile individual. It’s best not to criticize him.
Anyways, Hank tells you about organic hot dogs, and how they are much safer for your dog’s consumption. “But,” he says, “Remember that moderation is key!”
“Okay Hannibal Hank, the Cannibal Dog,” you say, “I’ll remember that moderation is key.”
It’s best not to feed your dog standard hot dogs because any highly processed hot dogs with mystery meats and preservatives. Instead, you opt to start using higher quality hot dogs with natural meats and ingredients. Also, you can opt for other healthy human foods.
With these hot dogs, you know your furry friend can have some. However, you decide to take Hannibal Hank’s words about moderation to heart. You decide only to let your fur baby have no more than a few bites.
After a hugely successful barbecue, you earn some serious love points with your pup by giving them some leftover bites.
You decide to go back to Hannibal Hank’s maximum security kennel to thank him for his advice. When you reach the kennel, the cage is half open with a letter inside.
The letter reads:
You’ll be hearing from me very soon. Very soon, indeed.
You shudder. Then realize you’ve left hot dogs in the backyard, unguarded. Hannibal Hank could be headed to your home, in _____ city!
Bum, bum, bummmmmm!!!